Being Blah

I've been trying for almost 3 years to have a child with no luck. I've decided to create a blog to let out some of my frustrations that I have been going through. I have very few outlets where I can express my feelings and therefore have decided to share it here.

I didn't get married when all my friends did during college. It took me a little longer to find someone I liked. I did, and felt like now my life was about to begin. I was wrong.

Although, I decided not to wait before trying to have kids, it appears God had other plans for me. I was not able to get pregnant. I went to doctors and was told I have PCOS. I was given Glucaphage, Clomid, injections, and went through a lot, and all with no success.

For the first time in 3 years, I finally got pregnant. Last month I found out it was positive. I was shocked, ecstatic. Only to find out 3 days later that I was going to lose it, it was a chemical pregnancy. I found out right before Yom Kippur. Who could daven after that - I certainly couldn't.

So I'm back to square 1. On the bright side I get to hear everyone's rude comments around me, such as "We'd hang out with you but you have no kids for our kids to play with", or "This party is only for mothers and their kids". And this past yom tov I was asked a couple of times about the number of kids I have.

With a sister who has lots of kids, and a younger sister-in-law with one on the way, and all my friends with a few kids, it makes me wonder why I was left out. After Yom Kippur I stopped davening. After 3 years of praying you start to realize that your prayers weren't answered. I know mine weren't.